"Facts" about the Clarinet

  • 1) The Clarinet doubles as a lethal weapon used to beat INFIDELS.
  • 2) The death toll by Clarinet-reed-splinter-in-your-tongue is 0, because only a complete idiot would do such a thing.
  • 3) They are the best instrument in the band
  • 4) Number 3 was NOT a lie.
  • 5) People play clarinet because they are too lazy to make reeds for oboe. Point in case: Woody Allen.
  • 6) The clarinet has the second largest range out of any woodwind- it can play from a low E to a high C five octaves above middle C. Some of the higher notes have been known to break small glasses, large glasses, vases, windows, glass sculptures, human ears, etc.
  • 7) Darth Saul Williams used a clarinet in his duel with Obi-San Rafiki and the Dalai Llama, of Three’s Company fame.
  • 8) The only shame in playing the clarinet is that it’s a clarinet
  • 9) In Warsaw If you hold a clarinet to someone’s throat they will hand over their money
  • 10) In South Oak Cliff, if one is seen walking down the street in “Da Ghetto”, all the drug dealers will immediately shrink back into their hidey-holes out of pure fear of the noise.
  • 11) Clarinet players usually grow up to be band directors, and not the good kind either. They normally know nothing about music besides the clarinet and wear sparkling blue bow-ties.
  • 12) The clarinets can also be used as a tool for doing sexual things for both genders
  • 13 The clarinet was also used for people to practice blowing on to be ready to blow on something bigger in life

(Source: uncyclopedia.wikia.com)